Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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