My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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