Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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