Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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