Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
