You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I understand Curling. That high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
