we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
