Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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