I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
