Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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