he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
