Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
