Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
