I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
