did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
