summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
