I will die if light touches me.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
