Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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