if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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