I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
