i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
