Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
