hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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