Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
