she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
