Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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