I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
