Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
