no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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