All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So vagazzling was a success
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