It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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