I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
