We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
