You don't have asthma, your pregnant
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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