Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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