he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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