she looked like the before picture.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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