just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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