It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
