cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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