What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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