Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
