I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
