wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
