when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize