i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
