I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
