I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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