8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sobbing to NWA
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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