i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
