That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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