never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
