JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
