so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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