Please, let me fuck your mom
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
