I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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