Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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