meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize