I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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