I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
