first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
